Restless..

Last night I just couldn't sit still.

Nothing on tv was interesting, I didn't want to read, didn't want to be on the computer. I just didn't know what to do with myself.

I went to bed and lay in the dark for hours and hours.

I had my hand on my stomach and worried and wondered and questioned.

Could this cervix that had bore me two children with no problems, that WORKED properly, be about to make my world come crashing down? The words 'high grade squamous lesion' played over and over in my head like a stuck record.

Did you know squamous means scaley? Who knew? I thought it meant cancerous but no, it just means scaly. Like a lizard or a dragon or a snake.

I said to my husband last night that Im so glad its me. That I would take the worst case scenario as long as the universe keeps up its side of the bargain and my daughter never has another health problem until she is an old woman.

As I lay in bed I also started thinking bizarre thoughts like..I want to move house. Ever since we have been married and moved into this house our family has had health problems. Between my daughter, my husband and now me, its been a rollercoaster for the last few years.
Yep, if I move house it will change everything :p

I am refusing to talk to anyone about it. My Mum rings me with a false sing song cheer in her voice and it makes me want to bawl. Its 5 weeks until the colposcopy and then probably a couple of weeks until I get the results back.

I KNOW I'm being obsessive and ridiculous. I am sure everything will be fine.

But lying awake at night, not being able to switch of my mind, I cant help the thoughts that pop into my head.

Well crap...

Possible high-grade squamous lesion

Exclude cin2 or 3

Hmm, they are not words you want your GP telling you when you go to get your results for your lady tests.

Ya know, google is not always a good thing. I have spent most of this morning ignoring my kids and FREAKING the fuck out about cervical cancer after searching for the above terms.

I am sure I am fine. I will go for the colposcopy and it will come back A-OK. But jesus tap dancing christ, I was shocked to hear my lovely doctor tell me those words. You just dont expect to hear them right?

So now I have to wait until the 22nd of sep to go have another dr staring up places that no person should be staring up. After two kids, you would think I would be over having people stare up my clacker but I still find it incredibly violating and cringe worthy.

In the meantime, I have a trip to the Gold Coast planned to take my mind of it. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me will ya?

Karma is a bitch...and shes coming to bite you on the ass

You know who you are.

You know who you've hurt.

I would like to think you will do the right thing but Im sure more lies will spew forth from your diseased mind.

You are completely delusional and unstable and I hope to hell you get the fuck out of our lives for good.

I hate you.

Goodbye and good riddance.

Feeling tense..

I am such a panic merchant.

I cant help it but I am seriously worried about stupid old swine flu.

Having a child that has seizures at even a whiff of a fever is making me turn into an anxious, hand wringing old worry wart.

I yell at the kids if they touch the handrail on the escalators..."are you CRAZY?? Swine flu, swine flu!!". Sure, they might fall and crack open their skulls by not hanging on but at least they aint going to get it.

I have wipes, hand sanitizer, bleach and full body suits in my handbag..well, maybe not the bodysuits but only because they wont fit.

Fuck you swine flu, why did you have to give me grey hair and stomach ulcers?

New things...

Some newbies from moi! Click on the links to be taken directly to my Etsy store to see all the deets.

Prehnite earrings with oxidised sterling silver wire wrap

I am loving Prehnite at the moment. It has the most beautiful milky green glow. Yum.

Red coral flower earrings with hand hammered oxidised sterling silver hoops

There is nothing better than gritty hammered sterling silver, especially when oxidised. It gives it such a nice grungy organic feel. Here I've paired it with striking blood red coral flowers.

Gothic fairytale necklace with real brass hand mirror, brass rose with red crystal and etched chain

I was THRILLED when I found this awesome brass hand mirror, its nice and heavy and the glass is the real deal. Kind of creepy but very stylish, I love how gothic and camp this necklace has become!

And the winner is....Obama!

You might think Im a bit late with the announcement but I am in fact talking about the most searched for image on the net.

Barack Obama featured as the number one search followed by Miley Cyrus, the Jonas brothers, some other rap super star that I have never heard of. Veerrrryyy interesting.

And cool.

Because now I get to put a picture of the big fella on my blog.

And I quite like him :D

Things I love on Etsy

SO, I've just been going through my faves on Etsy and thought I'd share them with you.

There is SUCH an awesome amount of talent on this little corner of the world wide web..

Blackboard ring

How cool is this?! Doesn't everyone need a blackboard ring?!

WryandGingers Cards

Seriously, the funniest seller on Etsy. I sometimes spend a good half hour just looking at all her listings and chortling to myself.

Star of the East

The most incredible jewellery made with luminous lovely treasures from the sea.

I have to list two photos as I cant decide which is more pretty..