Family Reunions...

FSM bless the information superhighway!

I have recently been very fortunate to be reunited with my huge extended family overseas.

Thanks to the internet (more importantly facebook!) I was found by one of my cousins and am now in regular contact with a huge array of rellies that I haven't seen since I was 12 or so.

It amazes me how much I have in common with these guys, genetics aside, we have grown up on completely differant continents and had virtually no contact but I find myself giggling at their status updates, marvelling over their photos and suprising myself with the values and ideas I seem to share with many of them.

I guess this must be a little bit like what an adopted child feels when they meet their birth families for the first time. Most of my cousins have grown up knowing each other, spending holidays and family events together while my brother and I were on the other side of the world, just us on our lonesome! We knew we had this huge tribe of people in the USA and England but didn't know them at all.

Now I just have to start saving (really really hard), I so want to get over there and meet them all and say Kia Ora Cuzzie! :p

Restless..

Last night I just couldn't sit still.

Nothing on tv was interesting, I didn't want to read, didn't want to be on the computer. I just didn't know what to do with myself.

I went to bed and lay in the dark for hours and hours.

I had my hand on my stomach and worried and wondered and questioned.

Could this cervix that had bore me two children with no problems, that WORKED properly, be about to make my world come crashing down? The words 'high grade squamous lesion' played over and over in my head like a stuck record.

Did you know squamous means scaley? Who knew? I thought it meant cancerous but no, it just means scaly. Like a lizard or a dragon or a snake.

I said to my husband last night that Im so glad its me. That I would take the worst case scenario as long as the universe keeps up its side of the bargain and my daughter never has another health problem until she is an old woman.

As I lay in bed I also started thinking bizarre thoughts like..I want to move house. Ever since we have been married and moved into this house our family has had health problems. Between my daughter, my husband and now me, its been a rollercoaster for the last few years.
Yep, if I move house it will change everything :p

I am refusing to talk to anyone about it. My Mum rings me with a false sing song cheer in her voice and it makes me want to bawl. Its 5 weeks until the colposcopy and then probably a couple of weeks until I get the results back.

I KNOW I'm being obsessive and ridiculous. I am sure everything will be fine.

But lying awake at night, not being able to switch of my mind, I cant help the thoughts that pop into my head.

Well crap...

Possible high-grade squamous lesion

Exclude cin2 or 3

Hmm, they are not words you want your GP telling you when you go to get your results for your lady tests.

Ya know, google is not always a good thing. I have spent most of this morning ignoring my kids and FREAKING the fuck out about cervical cancer after searching for the above terms.

I am sure I am fine. I will go for the colposcopy and it will come back A-OK. But jesus tap dancing christ, I was shocked to hear my lovely doctor tell me those words. You just dont expect to hear them right?

So now I have to wait until the 22nd of sep to go have another dr staring up places that no person should be staring up. After two kids, you would think I would be over having people stare up my clacker but I still find it incredibly violating and cringe worthy.

In the meantime, I have a trip to the Gold Coast planned to take my mind of it. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me will ya?

Karma is a bitch...and shes coming to bite you on the ass

You know who you are.

You know who you've hurt.

I would like to think you will do the right thing but Im sure more lies will spew forth from your diseased mind.

You are completely delusional and unstable and I hope to hell you get the fuck out of our lives for good.

I hate you.

Goodbye and good riddance.